Short story… I modeled for a boudoir shoot. You can scroll down the the pictures or read on for the bigger story.
I got a call from a guy wanting to do a boudoir shoot. I just felt I couldn’t do it. I’ve done lots of boudoir for women over the years, but never for men. So I had no idea where to begin. I am a heterosexual male and I know what’s sexy and sensual in a woman. But what’s sexy in a man?! Woman’s bodies are soft, curvaceous, and sensual. Men’s are hard, angular and functional. So how do you fit men into what is primarily a genre for females.
And the other thing is there is a very narrow definition of what we consider masculine. Women can be beautiful and sensual, no matter their shape or size. But a round curvy man doesn’t fit the stereotypical definition of maleness. How do you pose a man? Especially someone who’s not in great shape.
The gentleman that called me for the shoot, was an older man (meaning my age). That brought up a whole other set of issues for me. How do you capture the beauty of an older person? Is that possible?
I work out of RAW Photographic Studios and a couple of my female co-residents specialize in “dudoir”, so I asked one of them to work with me, so I could have that experience to try to understand what is sexy or sensual in a male from a female perspective.
I’ve done a little art nude and commercial modeling when I was younger and more recently I’ve been modeling for a few art nude shoots. This experience made me nervous. In art nude, the focus is not on you as an individual. You are lines, shapes and forms; you’re not a person. You’re objectified, but that’s the point: You’re an object of art. You’re simply the vehicle that helps actualize a photographer’s vision.
With this dudoir shoot, everything felt personal. This is not a shape that is being captured on camera; it’s me that’s being captured. The real Eric Brown. So there was a certain feeling of vulnerability in exposing myself.
And I know we all grapple with body issues. I’m as bad as anybody at judging myself. I’m old. I’m 60 frickin’ years old. And gravity is just cruel. Everything is droopy, nothing is tight. I’m also about as soft as I’ve ever been. Do I really want people seeing me like this? Should I subject anyone to those pictures?
My self-concept just hasn’t caught up to my current physical reality. And my reality was going to be in my face through the photos in this shoot. I was so nervous.